Not Helpful

Any Parks and Rec fans out there? Remember the episode when Ron Swanson decides to fix everything in Andy and April's house?


Well, this pretty much sums up how I've felt lately when I walk into a certain home improvement store:




A couple weeks ago, I asked someone if they sold Kreg Jigs. They had no idea what I was talking about. I said, "You know, something that helps you drill pocket holes?" He still had no idea what I was talking about.

A few months ago, I had to ask three people where to find staples for an electric stapler. The first took me to pneumatic staplers. The second just pointed in a direction. Finally, the third took me to the right place.

On another visit, I asked a man where I could find sanding discs for a power sander. He proceeded to educate me on what the different grits were and was asking me what I was doing so he could tell me what I needed. This would've been fine, except every sign I gave him (including a quick response to "hook and loop or adhesive?") pointed to the fact that I knew what I was doing. Then, I watched him help a lady and her husband figure out what power sander to buy. He totally ignored the fact that the woman wanted something that fit in her hand and kept emphasizing warranties. All she wanted to do was scuff up paneling so that she could paint it. I wanted to point out that if she's going to be using it on a wall, she probably won't really hold it in the palm of her hand, so she didn't need to worry about the size so much as the weight. But I didn't want to be a know it all. I spend too much time being one already.

By the way, I ended up buying the Kreg Jig at Woodcraft, which is well-stocked with both woodworking supplies and helpful salesmen.

I'm majorly frustrated with the quality of service at these big box home stores. I read somewhere that Home Depot was trying to make their store more female-friendly by carrying Martha Stewart home items. Some Ace Hardware stores were "brightening up" a couple isles and selling more things like scented candles. Are they going to start selling Tampons too? I can buy patio furniture and scented candles from Target. When I go to a home improvement store or a hardware store, I want to talk to someone who knows how to complete a project from start to finish, and who doesn't treat me like I'm an idiot just because I'm a girl.

Maybe I'll just start wandering the isles of Home Depot looking for a forlorn DIY cohort, and we'll find the stuff we need together.

Hide your trees, hide your azalea bushes….

…cause vigilante gardeners are out assaulting shrubbery.

I wish I were kidding.

In early March, our next-door neighbors put their house on the market. Their house has one of the nicest exteriors in the neighborhood, while ours…well…hadn’t been improved in probably 20 years. So the homeowners’ association came down on my landlord and forced him to make a number of improvements to the exterior of our townhouse. Yard maintenance happens to be our responsibility, so we had to give the tiny flowerbed in front of our house a grooming. We were fine with that, because we felt kind of bad for our neighbors at that point.

Stupidly, we decided to do tidy up the front yard on the same Sunday that the neighbors were having an open house. At the time, I hadn’t realized that an open house is really an invitation for all the longtime owners in the neighborhood to come check out your house without a personal invitation. Before we knew it, every old man in the neighborhood was telling us what to do.

We knew they were trying to be helpful, but it still felt patronizing. They didn’t listen to us, and they wouldn’t leave us alone. Instead of actually working on the house, we had to stand there and tell them that we knew what we were doing. We also got weird questions from some of the older neighbors like, “Are you all school teachers?” Um, what?

They did give us one good piece of advice: wait to trim back the azalea bush until after it blooms, but right before the blooms are totally gone. Otherwise, you kill the bloom. So we “boxed out” the holly bush and left the azalea, which was about two feet taller than the holly, for later in the season.

I had a lot of fun with the hedge clippers. Total immediate gratification.

While we were out working, the head of the HOA, who appears to be the male version of an old cat lady, offered to plant some liriope around the base of the flowerbed. “Sure,” we said. Why not? What’s the worst that could happen?

Fast-forward almost two months.  Workers had come and fixed up the house, and almost every day that they were there the HOA man was out in front of our house asking them what our LL instructed them to do, and telling them what they should do. We were getting really sick of coming home to find that the neighborhood was in front of our house evaluating the improvements. It was all we could do to smile and say hello instead of telling them to bug off and return to their own homes.

Then one day last week I was sick and working from home. I looked out my upstairs window and found an old man in my yard with a wheelbarrow, cutting up pieces of….what’s that he’s cutting up? Is that our azalea bush?

Yes, he was cutting up our azalea bush. Upon further investigation, I realized that the azalea bush was pretty much gone, leaving only a pile of dismembered flowers in our front yard.

This is the point where I should’ve gone outside and said, “um, hey, whatcha doin there man?” But instead I stood at my window, jaw dropped, furiously texting my roommates. I chose this route because 1) I had no idea what to say; and 2) I wanted this butcher to clean up his mess before I got mad and made him run out of our yard crying.

At first I assumed it was the nosey head of our HOA, but when my roommate got home and talked to this gentleman, she found that it was someone else in the neighborhood who we don’t even happen to know. How fun. When my roommate filled in for me and said, “uh hey, what are you doing?” He simply told her, “Oh I’m just cutting back this azalea.”

“We were going to do that this weekend,” roomie told him.

“That’s why I did it today. The blooms are 80% gone. It hasn’t been cut in 15 years.”

“Yes, but we were going to shape it up.”

We had a strong suspicion that HOA cat man/king of the neighborhood—note, not the HOA—was involved. But we didn’t even know who this other dude was, so I decided to unleash the fury of our angry old man landlord. I emailed him detailing the situation, and sent him pictures of the azalea assault. He called me immediately and wanted to know who this “bush cutter” (his words, not mine) was, and then proceeded to call/send a nasty email to the head of the HOA. But instead of just drafting his own email, he forwarded the email I sent him and added an angry little note.

Oops! It was a mini moment of panic followed by deep satisfaction that annoying HOA cat man now knows exactly how I feel about him, and that I don’t take shiznit from my neighbors whether I’m a renter or not. Here's a portion of my email:

"Needless to say, we're very annoyed. We know that [HOA cat man] and his friends are trying to be helpful, but we're sick of being treated by the HOA as helpless female renters who don't know how to care for a home. We're also sick of coming home and finding that the neighborhood feels that caring for this house is a communal effort. We know that if we were homeowners, no one would be taking it upon themselves to make modifications to our yard."

A little while later our doorbell rang. Two of my roommates let out a shriek, “It’s him!” and went to hide in the kitchen. I went to the door, ready to throw down.

He explained to me that they were “just trying to help” and that they were going to tell us about their “plans” that night. I told him quite firmly that they are not to make plans for our yard. Period. I also took him around front and showed him just how freaking ridiculous our yard looks now. I mean really. Why did we even do all that other work? Our house looks wayyyyy worse than it did before. He apologized, but I still don’t think he thinks he and his buddy did anything wrong.

Unfortunately we’re not going to get a new azalea. It’s a good thing our neighbors sold their house. We’re thinking about putting up a sign that says, “we did not do this” since people are now giving our house dirty looks. But seriously, wouldn’t you if you lived near us?

I guess on the positive side, there’s now plenty of room for lawn ornaments. Lucky for our HOA friend, whimsical garden accessories are all over Target right now. And we found that pink flamingos are very affordable. 

Union Jack Stool

Last week I mentioned how I normally turn my nose up at trends, and this week I’m going to tell you about one that I’ve totally embraced. I know, I’m such an enigma.

People are painting Union Jacks on everything. A year ago a columnist on Design*Sponge even proclaimed that Union Jack is the new black. I couldn’t help but jump on the train. Not only am I pretty darn British in heritage, the Union Jack is really cool. It’s a bold, graphic, iconic pattern with near symmetry to boot. When painted on unexpected surfaces, it adds a lot of graphic character to a room.

The only thing I don’t quite understand about this trend is that it’s not really the easiest thing to do. I mean yeah, it’s straightforward, but I think free-handing something less precise would be a lot easier. It takes a long time to paint the Union Jack on stuff. If you’re a perfectionist like me, you’re measuring and trying to get your painters tape just right, and then you realize that you have to paint five coats of red to cover the white you’ve already painted, and then you realize that you really set up this pattern on a square instead of a rectangle so it doesn’t look quite like the real thing, but it’s still pretty darn close. Yeah, this was a labor of love.

I wanted to paint something graphic on a stool I picked up on Craigslist, so I decided on the Union Jack. Here's what the stool looked like before:

I was so bogged down in process that I forgot to take pictures of the process itself. I just wanted to get this thing done. Here’s a quick run down of how I tackled this:

1. Sanded and primed the stool with two coats of Zinsser Cover Stain primer.
2. Sprayed the stool with blue glossy enamel spray paint. When I realized how long it takes that spray paint to dry (4-6 hours!), I ran to the store and bought some Rust-Oleum Painter’s Touch Ultra Cover 2X in gloss navy blue, which dries a lot faster.
3. Sprayed the stool with 3 coats of the new spray paint, flipping it over first and then putting it on its feet to make sure I got every surface.
4. Let the paint dry for a few days and then measured and taped out the white surfaces.
5. Used a brush to paint three coats of white satin Benjamin Moore paint that I had on hand.
6. Let the paint dry a few days and then measured and taped out the red cross.
7. Sealed the painter’s tape by dipping a small-ish brush in white paint and going along the edges of the painter’s tape.
8. Used a brush to paint 4-5 coats (I lost track) of red.
9. Let the paint dry a day and then measured and taped out the diagonal red stripes.
10. Sealed the painter’s tape by dipping a small-ish brush in white paint and going along the edges of the painter’s tape.
11. Used a small brush to paint another 4-5 coats of red for the diagonals.
12. Dipped a very small brush in the white paint and touched up areas where the red had bled through.
13. Brushed two coats of Minwax PolyCrylic over the seat.

As you can see, this was kind of a long process. But I think the stool looks pretty cool. I wish I had made the flag perfect. I hate not drawing flags correctly because it feels disrespectful. And let’s be honest, I already painted the flag on a place to sit your bum. But if the American Flag can be made into bikinis and Speedos, then this probably isn’t too bad. It could even be used as a small night table next to a bed to hold a book and a glass of water. 

This guy will probably come along to the Lucketts Market with me May 19-20!

Linked to: The Shabby Creek Cottage, Savvy Southern Style, Making Lemonade, Domestically Speaking, Somewhat Simple, The 36th Avenue, Thrifty Decorating, Miss Mustard Seed, Giggles, Glitz and Glam, The Shabby Nest, Redoux, Finding Fabulous, My Repurposed Life, Elizabeth & Co., Primitive & Proper

Guest Post at Bozzuto Beat Blog

Hey friends! I'm over at the Bozzuto Beat Blog today talking about my favorite thrift stores in Arlington and Falls Church. Check it out!

Stenciled Chalk Paint Table

If you spend as much time reading furniture and design blogs as I do, you’ve probably read about Annie Sloan Chalk Paint. Well, I had read about 5 million blog posts where people use this magic chalk paint to change their furniture into a Paris flea market find look alike. I had two major issues with this:

1. While the chalk paint was cute on romantic antiques, I was sick of seeing people apply a "cottage chic", "parisian flea market" style to Danish midcentury modern tables. It just didn’t make sense to me. Some of the furniture looked great, but did every piece of furniture a person laid their eyes on need to be painted? And in this way? Gahhhh.
2. It’s freaking $36 a quart. And by the way, you really have to buy wax to put over it, which is another $26. 

But really my main reason was that there’s this real snotty side of me who just isn’t interested in embracing something seemingly ordinary that everyone else thinks is awesome, especially when I can see how it all turns out online. It’s the same reason why I never read the Harry Potter books. I mean everyone and their mother (literally) was reading it, and I already knew the story, and I didn’t feel like reading a bunch of long books just because everyone else loved them. I’m doing my same snotty move when it comes to the Hunger Games. I also fully rejected Uggs. There are some trends I embrace fully, but those are just some that I have snubbed.

Which is why you may be surprised that this post is about my first experience with chalk paint. Yeah, I caved. It happened after I went into a store for Benjamin Moore paint chips and asked the color consultant what her favorite whites for furniture were. And then I had this conversation:

Color Consultant: “You’re painting furniture? Have you tried that Annie Sloan Chalk Paint?? Oh my gosh, my sister and I picked up some paint and a bunch scrap wood and tried a bunch of different treatments. It is so fun!”

Me: “Nahhh, it’s just so expensive.”

Color Consultant: “But it goes so far! And there’s so much you can do with it!”

Me: “Huh yeah maybe I’ll try that…anyway, do you recommend any whites?”

This store didn’t even sell Annie Sloan Chalk Paint. But it was around that point that I decided if I was going to be even semi-professionally involved in this industry, I should try this new and popular product.  Plus, I’ll admit, I was curious. So I headed to Stifel and Capra in Falls Church and picked up a quart of Annie Sloan Chalk Paint in Provence from the stockist, Stylish Patina.

I decided to do a paint/stain treatment on an end table I bought on Craigslist. Before I applied the chalk paint, I had to sand and stain the top. I applied Minwax Dark Walnut stain to the surface. After the stain had dried for a couple days (not necessary, just my lack of time), I lined the edges of the table with painters table to prevent the paint from getting on the recently stained table surface.

Then I took to my adventure with the chalk paint. And I have to say; it was really easy to use. I applied two coats of paint and let it dry. The next night, I used the same stencil that I created for my desk to stencil the surface of the table while watching Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, and Duck Dynasty on TV with my roomie. It was a wild Friday night.

After the paint dried, I went over the edges and details with a sanding wedge. Then I used a rag to wipe off the dust so that I could apply my wax. I ended up buying the Annie Sloan wax because it was high quality, easy to use, and I would’ve had to order other recommended wax so the price seemed worth it. I also splurged and bought a waxing brush because, well, I just love new tools and this one looked so cool.

Waxing was mega easy. I used Miss Mustard Seed’s video tutorial, and I highly recommend you do the same.

After I applied clear wax and let it dry for a while, I used a little bit of my Dark Walnut stain mixed with the clear wax and applied it to the table with a chip brush. I let it dry a tiny bit, and then spread it and wiped off the excess with a clean cloth. I really liked using this technique because I didn’t have to by dark wax (saving me another $26), and because it gave the color some very subtle depth.

The next day, I used a cloth to buff the table, giving it a subtle sheen.

I’m very happy with how the table came out, and I definitely understand why so many people are using chalk paint. It applies easily, and the best part about it is that it’s not supposed to look perfect, so if you make some mistakes, it just adds to the character. And because it covers very well with just two coats, and is easily watered down to give more of a wood-wash look, it does really go a long way. This paint looks good, and it goes on quickly. It may be $36 a quart, but time is money, right? 

I can’t say that I’m going to start painting every piece I see with chalk paint, but I’m definitely going to keep it in my stash and use it when I feel a piece is calling out for it. 

And oh yeah, this table is probably coming with me to the Lucketts Spring Market May 19-20 if I don’t sell it earlier! (If you didn't know I was selling, check out this post.)

Linked: Miss Mustard Seed, My Repurposed Life, The Shabby Creek Cottage, Redoux, The Shabby Nest, Savvy Southern Style, 504 Main, Somewhat Simple, Primitive and Proper

Furniture Hoarding

One of my favorite parts about re-doing furniture is seeing the potential in old beat-up pieces. I love treasure hunting. As I mentioned last week, I've been collecting furniture to refinish/refresh for my space at the Luckett's Spring Market in May. Because I've been spending so much time thrifting/craigslisting, I haven't actually finished any projects. But, I'm proud to show you the collection I've gathered.

Here is what our dining room currently looks like. Some of this is for the market and some of it isn't. That's our dining room table, which normally has a table cloth but has magically transformed into my sewing table.

This mid-century dresser is by Stanley furniture, and I'm having a hard time figuring out when it was built. Some clues: It has a stamp on the left side of the top drawer that says "Distinctive Furniture by Stanley".  The drawer glides in the dresser itself are wood, but the glides on the bottom of the drawers are metal. Also, the top is Formica. I don't think I'm going to do much to this guy but repair the bottom drawer glide and clean it up a bit. I'm not even sure he'll make it with me to the market. 

This dresser has some veneer issues, so I will probably repair it with wood filler and paint it. I'm thinking a deep blue. When I picked it up, I knew the drawers were solid but I had never seen the kind of joints on them before. I discovered that they are pin and crescent joints, which were pretty much only used on furniture manufactured between 1871 - 1900, which is pretty awesome. 

This old art deco waterfall dresser is really hurting, but I think I can make it gorgeous again. I love the drawer pulls. My favorite part about this dresser is that it's in such bad shape that I don't feel remotely guilty putting a coat of paint on it. I like painted furniture and stained wood, and sometimes I feel really guilty painting over perfectly nice wood. But with a dresser like this, I won't be ruining anything. Pretty much anything I can do to it will be an improvement.

I picked up this little stool and end table on Craigslist. I might use a combination of painted and stained surfaces for the table. I am also thinking the top might look cool with a design in it, similar to my herringbone side table. This little stool might also look cool with a design on the seat. Haven't quite decided what to do with him yet. 

While mid-century doesn't really jive with what we've got going on in our house, I thought these looked 1) really cool and 2) relatively easy to tackle. They're actually outside in this picture because I started sanding them last weekend. Like my mid-century dresser, I am having a hard time finding something similar to these. They have a number on the bottom, but no other clues. All my googling hasn't turned up something similar, so I'm not sure what their story is. I can say that they're nice, solid tables, and I think they're going to look amazing once I'm done with them.

Of all the stuff I've collected, I definitely have the most chairs. They can just have so much character, I can't really help myself. I always wondered how my grandparents ended up with a collection of random chairs in their house, and now I know because I'm well on my way. How cool is this banker's chair? It needs to be cleaned up and possibly refinished. I think I might also reupholster in with a bright, feminine print. I love the idea of juxtaposing a masculine chair with a feminine print.

I got a pair of these needlepoint chairs from the sad guy selling all his grandparents' furniture. You can kind of see in this picture that the seats aren't completely perfect, so they will get reupholstered. Don't worry, I'm going to try to preserve the needlework pieces and make them into art.

This rocker actually folds up and would be perfect for a little nursery. The design on the top reminds me of some cane chairs that my grandpa refinished for my parents. This will be very sunny when I'm done with it. 

So there's your sneak peak. I hope to get a lot done on these projects over the next few days. And who are we kidding, I might accumulate some more projects too.

Speaking of the next few days...I turn 25 on Monday. Eek! It's kind of crazy to think about. I have some fun stuff planned for the weekend and I will try to be a good little blogger and take pictures and tell you about it next week.

For my birthday, I'm asking my parents for some money towards a DSLR camera. Do any of you lovely readers have recommendations for a good starter (and affordable) DSLR? I haven't made up my mind yet.

Linked to: Junker Newbie, Miss Mustard Seed

Things You Should Buy on Craigslist

Well my friends, I am sad to say I will not be posting about a finished project today. I am currently in what could be described as hoarding buying mode. As in stalking craigslist for stuff I can restore/upgrade and sell at the Lucketts Spring Market. I'll post pictures of some of those acquisitions later tonight or tomorrow.

Because I've filled our dining room with antiques and currently have a dresser in the back of Fiona, I am trying to pull myself away from buying right now so that I can, you know, actually repair/refinish/paint/upholster all the projects I've already acquired. But I am still seeing amazing deals on craigslist, and someone needs to know about them. Because Apartment Therapy's craigslist roundup is not cuttin' it these days. So here are some listings I want to hit up but can't right now on account of my self-imposed buying stop:

Retro Metal Lawn Chairs - 4 - $25 (Arlington). They need work but seriously, $25 for all 4 of them??? Amazing deal.

Antique Cane Bottom Dining Chairs - $50 (Shirlington). These have been up since 9 am this morning so they might be gone. But again, you could pick up just one of these for $60 in an antique store, so $50 for 6 of them is a really great deal. These are the kinds of chairs my grandpa would refinish. They are classic and great craftsmanship.

Antique Children's Desk - $40 (Gainesville). This is a bit of a hike for me, but kid furniture is so cute. I wish I could snatch this up. I try to "respect the wood" as the boy would say, but this could look soooooo cute if you stenciled the desktop a la my desk, or if you used chalk board paint on the desk top so a kid could literally write on the desk top. Seriously though, am I the only one who is smitten with kid furniture? Yay for selling at a market and getting the excuse to buy stuff like this while I'm (thankfully) sans children.

6 Drawer Dresser - $25 (Hyattsville).  I don't know that it's really my style or I would have it in my house, but I can definitely ride the wave and appreciate this retro-mod Madmen dresser. You could definitely do something cool to it. Just google "mid-century dresser redo" and check out the beautiful image results that come up. Or you could restore it to its former glory. And it doesn't have to stay in the bedroom. This could be used as a buffet or TV stand.

1 dresser 6 drawer - $30 (Camp Springs). Me-oh-my, it appears that people are just giving away mid-century dressers today. Here's another one. $30? That's less than I spend on most of my shirts that would go in this dresser.

Antique Wood Dresser - $75 (Arlington/Clarendon). This is a gorgeous dresser and you probably wouldn't have to do anything to it. In fact, please, please don't do anything to it. This poor soul appears to have a heartless girlfriend who is making him sell all his family heirlooms now that they are living together. Silly woman, do you not realize how lucky you are to have a bf whose grandparents let him inherit such beautiful things? I am kidding. A little. Perhaps she had a good reason and grandparents who give her prettier antiques. Did I mention that I'm pretty sure this would sell for close to $300 in an antique store?

Round, Solid Wood Table - $35 (Arlington/Clarendon). But seriously, does this guy not sound go sad? There is just no room for his dad's favorite table. Also, is he in his 30s or 40s? Because no boy I know would manage to own stuff so nice and not ruin it playing beer pong or something. Or I guess in this case quarters would be a more reasonable assumption.

So, none of these things may be available anymore. In fact, I just caved and emailed the guy about the table. Although now that I think about it, I don't think that table will fit in my car. But you get my point. You don't have to spend $200 on an antique dresser when people sell them for $75 on craigslist. You just have to shop often, email quickly, and be able to pick up that day or the day after. And you will snag a dining room worth of deals.

OK, time to head off to date night!

Update: Omgosh! I emailed the sad man about the table and dresser and got an email back from the gf. And it turns out, I ALREADY BOUGHT STUFF from the happy couple. Yes, I bought two chairs from them last week! I wish that I had known 1) about these other beautiful things that were available when I bought the chairs and 2) the sad conditions upon which I acquired the chairs! I wonder if they recognized my email address. 

Update on the Update: The person who was going to buy the dresser from them was a no-show. That means this dresser is allllllllll mine. And sorry friends, I think this piece might be a permanent fixture in my house instead of an addition to my collection of market furniture. I just don't know that I can part with it. Oh, and I did reveal myself as a previous purchaser. It just seemed like disclosure of that fact ahead of time would be less awkward.