Family Visit

Friday I traveled with my brother and parents to New York where we met my sister who came in from NYC. We spent the evening with my cousins and then ventured to our hotel room where we came across this weird room-width mirror over the headboard. While it actually did come in handy when my sister and I had to get ready the next morning, it still felt a little uncomfortable. My family likes to do hotels on a budget, so that generally means that I share a room with both my siblings and a bed with my sister. At least this place had two queens instead of two doubles.

Saturday we hung out all day at my cousins' house. We played a little bit of heads up and watched basketball through most of the day and ended the evening with our traditional meal of pizza and wings, and played a spirited game of Trivial Pursuit. And, by the way, my team totally lost and the winning team had everyone in my immediate family but me on it. My dad was the captain. What the heck, John? At least there were our favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Sunday morning we packed up the car and headed to about an hour west to visit my grandma and hang out at my aunt's house nearby. Last year my grandma, although confused and tired, was able to leave her assisted living facility and hang out at the house with all of us for an afternoon. This year that wasn't so much the case. Now my grandma lives in a nursing home. As a designer I think the space could be greatly improved, but the real draw of this places is that my aunt works in the same health complex and can drop in on her regularly. Seriously, how lucky are we? How many families have that luxury?

The rest of my dad's family lives closer and sees Grandma more often. They warn us, "It's really bad. Like really bad. Just be ready for it." They do a wonderful job managing my expectations because I felt like for 89 with dementia, my grandma seems way less "Is that person still breathing?" than most of the people I've seen in the two facilities she's been in. She can still kind of hobble her way through a conversation. She relies a lot on reacting sarcastically or playfully saying something like "oh phooey" to the stuff we tell her. She also likes to be silly, like hen we told her to smile and she crossed her eyes and made a silly face instead. She spent the better part of our visit asking us how we were all able to get off of work and did we all come there just to see her?? It's quite confusing to her because apparently her work schedule is pretty inflexible and she has to work weekends a lot. Her mind spends a lot of time back working as a nurse. Whatever, we roll with it.

Perhaps my favorite moment of the entire trip was seeing her light up when my dad walked in while she said to him with a big smile "hey, there's my son!" I suspect that within minutes of us leaving she forgot we were even there, but for the time we were there she seemed happy and even touched by the idea that we all came just to see her.

Sunday afternoon we did more visiting with family. I got to play with my cousin's son who is six and wildly imaginative. I cracked up when he said things like , "Mommy, can I have a pretend blanket to tuck in Monkey?" and (to my mom) "And you know what? I love you." We did lots of "exercising" and I'm pretty sure my mom caught many lovely photos of me crawling around on the floor.

Monday morning we packed up and, after dealing with a pretty major train delay with my sister, headed back to VA.

Words of Wisdom from Claire: Valentine's Day

Earlier this week, I mentioned my little brother to you guys. Today, the focus is on my sister. 

My sister Claire is 22 and she lives in Brooklyn. She is an aspiring actress (not a fake one, like with a real degree in it and stuff). 

Our love lives have followed different paths. I've always been the one in a relationship and she flies solo. I think this has mostly played in her favor: she gets to watch my train wrecks/ridiculous decisions while she lives it up on her own. Not that she's opposed to relationships. I mean obviously drinking is a lot more expensive when you're single. Also she lives in New York where there just happens to be a straight man shortage. DC has a great gay crowd, but I've never been on a date where the guy admits he "might be bi". Womp womp. 

Today I thought I'd share some words of wisdom from Claire. This idea came about when we were chatting this morning after she said something funny. 

Me: I should have a "Words of Wisdom from Claire" column on my blog. 

Claire: I do have a lot of wisdom. 

So without further ado, here are some words of wisdom from Claire on Valentine's day.

#Clairebear
"It would've been cooler if that had been the reason we took that picture but really my friends were just making me pose with all the animals on the course."

On being single on Valentine's Day

"I don't understand people freaking out about being single on Valentine's Day. Did you go the other 364 days not realizing you were single?"

"And really, it just means that chocolate will be on sale tomorrow."

"I don't dislike Valentine's Day because I'm single, I dislike it because everyone on Facebook is annoying."
"I'm a little disappointed my okcupid account hasn't seen more activity today."

She also gave some words of wisdom via her Facebook status:

"If you're sad about being single on Valentine's day then cheer up! you're in luck! 14 Best Valentine's Day Craigslist Ads"

On Valentine's Day activities

"I should've bought some awesome chocolate. Like salted caramel whatever."
"I think I'll spend today trolling the craigslist personal ads. They're bound to be golden today."
(On second thought...) "Maybe not a great idea. A lot of those messages are not exactly safe for work."

Stay tuned for more wisdom from Claire in the future!

Sibling Bonding 101

I've mentioned my brother in passing from time to time, and he's popped up on my Instagram lately, but I've never really told you much about him.

I am the oldest of three. My sister, Claire (the one on the left), is 22 and graduated from NYU's Tisch school with a degree in acting last May. She lives in New York and is currently pursuing a career as an actress while trying to make ends meet in that oh-so expensive city. She is very talented and beautiful. Please hire her.

My brother, Brennan, is 19 and goes to NOVA, the local community college. He lives with my parents about 30 minutes away from my house.

Brennan was born when I was 6, so by the time he came along, he really was my little brother. Especially now that we're in our 20s, I don't think of Claire as my little sister, I just think of her as my sister. But the age difference with Brennan made the older-younger sibling relationship much more pronounced. He was in 5th grade when I graduated from high school, and I was well out of college by the time he graduated. We've always been in completely different places in our lives.

Probably in part because of the age difference, we've always gotten along pretty well. There were a few trying times when we were still sharing a bathroom the year after I graduated from college, but for the most part, we have a good time together. He was always a good little brother and let Claire and I watch Runaway Bride whenever we wanted to, and to this day he loves Friends as much as we do. He and I have some similar interests, and I've always felt like I relate to him in ways that the rest of the family doesn't. Plus, he's always very helpful when it comes to moving furniture around and picking stuff up from Craigslist sellers. And he accepts payment in the form of donuts.

This semester, Brennan and I are taking a class together at NOVA. Because I didn't take an art history class in undergrad, I need to take one for my Interior Design degree. The Corcoran allows us to take an art history class through NOVA to satisfy the requirement, and given the cost savings, I couldn't pass up that opportunity. Since bro Brennan already goes to NOVA and takes lots of art classes there, I suggested we take the class together. He wasn't so keen on the idea at first, but after a little convincing from my mom, he came around.

The class is online, but since we're both taking it, we are treating it more like a regular class and watching lectures together at my parents' house. I am hoping that in exchange for having access to my older sister, college degree-holding brain he will compensate me with a plate of nachos. As you can tell, compensation in the form of food is a recurring theme in our relationship.

Never did I ever expect that Brennan and I would be enrolled in a college level course together. Given our age difference, there have been so few opportunities for us to participate in official activities together (and he didn't last long on the summer swim team). I think it's pretty cool, and I'm happy that it gives us a good reason to hang out together on a more regular basis.  It's one of those things that makes me appreciate adulthood and look forward to other things we might get to do together.

The class started last week, so we've only met once to watch a couple lectures and complete our first assignment. So far, it's going well. And despite my 4+ years of college, his notes ended up being more useful than mine...so that was interesting. Maybe this will be a complete disaster and he will hate me and I will despise him by the end of this 8-week course. But hopefully we will still lovingly give each other our favorite foods and both have an A at the end. Fingers crossed!

Have you ever taken a class with your sibling? Or participated in an activity with a younger sibling that was out of the ordinary for both of you?

A Weekend of Family, Wine, and Dementia

While the rest of DC was overwhelmed with Inauguration festivities over the weekend, I took a trip with my family to visit my grandma in Geneva, New York. It was the first time in as long as I can remember that a journey to visit Grandma didn't involved a trip to my dad's hometown of Verona, New York. The family moved Grandma to an assisted living home in Geneva a few years ago when everyone realized that she wasn't safe living on her own. Now she lives close to my aunt (about an hour from where she used to live), so instead of staying at Grandma's house and using that as the central meeting spot like we always used to do, we stayed in a hotel and all met up at my aunt's house.

It felt weird to go somewhere different, but I really enjoyed staying in Geneva. It's located on Seneca Lake (one of the Finger Lakes) and has beautiful views. Because it was settled in the late 1700s, the town is full of amazing historic architecture. There were a bunch of restaurants and shops that I wish we had time to check out, but we'll have to do that next time we're in town.

Friday evening we arrived and and went out to eat at Halsey's in downtown Geneva. After enjoying some gourmet pizza there, we ventured over to my aunt's house for a little while before retiring to our hotel on the lake...which unfortunately involved my sister and I sharing a double bed while my brother got his own.

Saturday we spent the day at my aunt's house, which was chock full of grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins, cousins' kiddos, two dogs, and three cats. One of the dogs was my cousin's huge boxer, Chevy. Despite his 90 lbs hulk-like frame, he's a hugger. My sister could not get enough of him, which was photographed on many occasions throughout the weekend. The cats were also really friendly, but I had to avoid petting them since I'm allergic to cats (bummer).

After we took Grandma back to her place Saturday night, the rest of the family met up at our hotel bar. It sounds a little lame, but it was so much fun to get out of the house and visit late into the evening with family I don't get to see very often.

Sunday morning we had breakfast with two of my cousins who were leaving that day, and then picked Grandma up and took her to lunch. Afterwards, we dropped off Grandma and headed to my dad's cousin's house to visit with her. She recently purchased one of the historic homes on South Main Street in downtown Geneva, so we took advantage of the trip and got a tour of her new place while we were there. South Main Street is listed on the National Register of Historic Places. Her house, built in the early 1800s, is one of the oldest row houses on the street. As a result of the historical significance, she knows a lot more about her house than most people do about their homes, like when specific additions were built, the fact that the house was at one point connected to the house next door, that the original front doors were likely imported from Italy, and a whole host of other info. You can even see historical photos of the property on a website dedicated to the South Main Street historic district.  The house was SO cool. I snapped a few photos with my phone while I was there.

After we toured our cousin's house, she took us to White Springs Winery where she works a day or two a week. Seneca Lake is lined with vineyards and wineries because the lake moderates the climate in the area and makes the hills around it good for grape growing. It's becoming a popular destination for wine tour vacations, so it was fun to take advantage of the family connection and have a personal wine tasting in the area. You can learn more about the Seneca Lake Wine Trail through their website. Once we were done with our excursions, we headed back to my aunt's house for dinner and football watching.

Of course the only picture I took during our trip to the winery was of a rug that I loved, which was hanging on the wall. 

For as much fun as I had with the family, this trip was a big reminder that I'm not a kid anymore. One of the weirdest things about growing up is that all the stuff you knew would probably happen, but you could never really imagine happening, is happening now. For the most part the changes are good. Two of my cousins have children. One of my cousins is getting married in September. Another is renovating a house with her husband and son. Almost all the cousins are over 21 at this point, which means we can enjoy fun evenings in a hotel bar together.

Other changes are rough. My Grandma has dementia...or is it Alzheimer's now? I'm not sure at this point. As a result of a few falls and a confused "escape" from the assisted living facility, she is now in a locked wing that is for people with memory problems. They take good care of her and she is safest there, but it still feels weird to walk into the place and be greeted by a room full of elderly people asleep in chairs "watching" kittens play on Animal Planet. This is not how I remember Grandma, though I suspect I am not as she remembers me. Is this how everyone feels? That their loved ones just don't seem to belong in a place like that yet even when they do? Interesting how denial and dementia can play the same tricks on you.

I look terrible in this photo but everyone else looks good. I REALLY need a haircut. I also need to stop parting my bangs so far over. It makes my face look fat. 

Thankfully, Grandma remembers us and has plenty of lucid moments, like when she was pleased when Syracuse basketball won a close game Saturday night (Grandpa always watched Syracuse basketball). It's the moments when she gets worried that she doesn't have her keys and won't be able to get into the house when we're taking her home ("You don't live at that house anymore, Grandma"), and the moments when she tells us she can't remember why "Dad" couldn't join us (we don't bother to remind her that Grandpa died six years ago), that are awful. And they're more awful when my dad, my aunts, and my uncle are around, because as hard as it is to witness what age will do to what was once a very bright mind, it's harder to watch how much it hurts the immediate family her mind is gradually leaving behind.

At this point I'm wishing I took pictures with more than just my iPhone. 

I keep reminding myself that Grandma is 88, and while this condition just plain sucks, a lot of people don't make it to this point. In many ways she is doing well for 88. Her eyes are still bright and her smile is ever beautiful  (fingers crossed I inherited some of those genes). She is one of the few people in the whole facility who does not rely on a walker to get from point A to point B. And she is often shocked to learn she is 88. Youth is a mentality, not an age, right?

This trip, as they more often seem to be, was bittersweet. This is our new normal and although it's rough seeing Grandma in this state, the weekend was one of the nicest visits I've had with the rest of the  family in a very long time. I will always miss playing croquet in Grandma's back yard and enjoying her breakfast pastries, but it's fun to do something new and change up our traditions as the family dynamic changes. It makes me wonder--and look forward to--what else we might enjoy together as things continue to change. I really hope that those who couldn't make the trip are able to make the next one.

So that was my weekend. Family-filled, politics-free. How was your long weekend? Did you go on vacation? Check out the inauguration festivities?